7 Keys To Becoming (And Staying) Brilliantly Self-Aware

Photo by Adam Winger on Unsplash

Here’s some bizarre statistics for you. Over 90% of us believe we’re above average in some skill or undertaking when, obviously, less than 50% of can actually make that claim.

Worse yet, the fraction of people holding such beliefs increases with education and experience. That is to say, the more we know (formally), the more we think we know (generally).

That tidbit stands in the face of studies showing, ironically, smarter people could be more susceptible to thinking mistakes and biases than the rest of us dumb others.

As a result, smarter, more educated people overrate themselves.

In other words, 9 out of 10 doctors (and especially surgeons) you’ve visited probably believed they were brilliant when less than 5 actually were. The others guessed or made decisions based on hunches that might have been incorrect or biased, if not outright wrong.

What’s all this mean?

Being smart, educated, professional and experienced, although wonderful for bragging at cocktail parties, provides almost no insurance against lacking self-awareness. Moreover, insufficient self-awareness is an equal opportunity offender: most of us suffer from it. Worse yet, most of us think we’re self-aware when we aren’t.

What to do?

There’s good reason to want to build self-awareness. Knowing yourself is an essential part of being a human being. Studies show, for example, self-knowledge drives professional and personal success. Self-awareness also breeds resilience, reliabilty and likability.

Yes, I’m saying self-aware people are better friends, colleagues and lovers.

Fortunately, the old maxim, “Know thyself,” has serious, scientific roots. We can explore them and develop self-awareness in blocks. For example, here are 7 practices that can build our self-awareness in a short time:

1. Not claiming to be an expert. Real scientists and experts rarely talk about what they know as absolute. They offer findings, of course, but don’t exclude the possibility those findings won’t be overturned. Indeed, most (truly good) scientists are excited by the potential that what seems ‘correct’ now may be incorrect later. In other words, scientists (and experts) pursue ignorance. They want to think and talk about what they don’t know. Nonetheless, Cornell researchers have found that most people ‘overclaim’ their knowledge. After reading one thing about a subject, for example, they posture as experts. Some even claim understanding of terms that don’t exist! The habit we can cultivate to extinguishes this sort of idiocy is a simple one: If you’re not at the point where you feel your knowledge of something is only the tip of the iceberg, shut up about it.
2. Don’t Trust Yourself. Our human nature struggles to find a foothold in stability — this includes a mental footing in terms of knowledge. Related to the first point, we often believe a little knowledge we’ve acquired translates into deep expertise. That also leads us to trust our judgment based upon that knowledge. Yet, these are two different things. Even if know much about, say, computer science, that does not mean our conclusions on the basis of computer science knowledge will be correct. Indeed, the idea Malcolm Gladwell popularized — that experts can make more accurate snap judgments — is not without controversy. Very often, our familiarity with a subject leads us to follow programmed trains of thought or to forced conclusions that agree with what we’ve observed in the past. To combat this tendency, it’s best to get a second opinion. Indeed, recent research suggests we need to know how others view us just to know ourselves. And when getting such feedback is impossible, our “Plan B” should be to imagine what others we respect might think of us and act accordingly.
3. Remember your bad choices. When we make bad choices or mistakes, our brains make us forget them later to make ourselves feel better. One habit that can neutralize this destructive tendency is to focus less on labeling ourselves. For example, we should not generically assess whether we are “good” or “bad” drivers. Rather, we should count the red-lights we run.
4. Avoid pop psychology. Few claims made by popular psychology books and thought leaders are scientifically supported. Even when they are, often the truth is more complicated. For example, it’s true that emotional intelligence is powerful, as some pop psychologists claim; however, it can’t substitute for intelligence. In this connection, researchers at Gothenburg University offer one simple suggestion: Stop believing every thought leader offers thoughts worth thinking about.
5. Cut down on the fiction, movies and theme songs. We all love a good story to escape the stresses of life and coronavirus lockdowns. Yet, too much fiction and fantasy can lead us to behave like the heroes and villains we watch and read about. Up to a certain point, the escapeism is therapeutic, according to scientists at Ohio State. But beyond that point, we start thinking we’re Avengers. What’s that certain point? Perhaps it’s when we start repeating quotes from movies.
6. Learn to pray. Most of us reflect on our bad behavior, regardless of our religious beliefs. Research evidence suggests this actually leads to greater well-being. Yet, how can you cultivate such a habit if you never pause for even a moment’s contrite reflection? One way is to recall how you felt the last time you wrote Santa Claus. Had you been naughty or nice?
7. Get over yourself. ‘Wingsuit flying’ is an extreme sport that more often than not results in violent death. However, a recent study of wingsuit pilots discovered ego has little place in the sport. Indeed, the most important rule of wingsuit pilots is not to overestimate one’s own abilities. Instead, the daredevils suggest focusing on the surrounding environment. Following such a habit, one appreciates one’s limitations. One can only assume the wingsuit pilots who violated these rules are not around to argue differently.

In the end, achieving self-awareness is really a matter of stripping one’s self down to the core. Yet, as a word of caution, this effort needs undertaken optimistically. For example, constant hope of improvement is required, no matter how ugly the truth might seem. And by laying such a foundation, later becoming something of an Iron Man is no longer a delusion.